Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Family Discussion
We've been watching short videos of the Book of Mormon online for family scripture study. They are similar to the little film strips some of you may know from your youth. Last night we watched about Alma and Amulek and my son was very distraught over the fact that children were thrown into the fire. At first it made me wonder if those kind of details should be left out when telling little kids the scripture stories, but it lead to a very good talk about Jesus and the Resurrection. It is a reality that we will all die, but Jesus made it so we will live again. Poor little guy, it would just break your heart if you saw it. He was saying, "I don't want to die, am I going to die right now?" We reasurred him and my wife shared a special experience when she felt the Savior near her and he started to cry. He felt ashamed at crying, but I showed him the tears in my own eyes and told him it's okay to cry. I reminded him that Sunday he had asked why one of his primary teachers was so sad when she bore her testimony and that his mom had explained that sometimes we cry when we are happy. He sure makes me worry about the second coming sometimes. He keeps saying, "I want Jesus to come down right now." and I think, does he know something I don't know? Yikes!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Social Growth Begins at Home
Do children really need other children to become socially excellent?
One of the great modern myths is that children need other children to become "socialized." The exact opposite is true. The notion that little children learn how to be civilized from being with each other has little to recommend it. What can a three-year-old teach another three-year-old? Answer: How to behave like a three-year-old.
When we place tiny children together, the result is chaos. If one child is a biter, then other children get bitten and learn that biting may be useful in self-defense. Generally, this is not the kind of social idea that mothers want their children to have.
Sometimes mothers are convinced to put their child with other children in what are called "play groups" or "kindergarten" because mother wants her child to learn to share. Mother believes that this cannot be learned at home from her. Sharing is an admirable and worthwhile objective. But two and three-year-olds are not ready to share anything. Instead, they defend their belongings against any and all comers. The "play group" only stays civilized if each mother stands right next to her child and protects that child from all the other children in the group. "Sharing" occurs only when mother pries the beloved toy truck out of her child's grasp and hands it to another child, who then gets a death grip on the truck until his mother says that he has "shared" the truck for long enough and it is pried out of his grasp to be returned to its little, very anxious owner.
If the above scene takes place without a mother with each child, then the result is much worse. Without mother at his side, the child will simply fight to keep his toy or be overpowered by a bigger, more aggressive child. He either learns to fight or to flee.
Is this socialization?
Civilized behavior begins at home.
When little children are herded together like so many little lambs with only a few shepherds to protect them, we are foolish to expect "socialization" to be the result.
Little children do not need other little children to become socialized - they need mother and father. Civilized behavior is learned at home from mother and father. Children learn right from wrong from mother and father and grandmother and grandfather, or they do not learn it at all. The longer a small child spends with his mother each day, the more civilized he will be. The less time he spends with mother each day, the less civilized he will be.
All mothers know that.
Take This Challenge
Arrange for your child to spend more time with you every day and less time with other little children. Be consistent, fair, and honest in all your interactions with your child. In a few months you will have a more mature, kind, and helpful child, but, even better, you will be spending precious time with a wonderful companion who will love and support you for the rest of your life.
One of the great modern myths is that children need other children to become "socialized." The exact opposite is true. The notion that little children learn how to be civilized from being with each other has little to recommend it. What can a three-year-old teach another three-year-old? Answer: How to behave like a three-year-old.
When we place tiny children together, the result is chaos. If one child is a biter, then other children get bitten and learn that biting may be useful in self-defense. Generally, this is not the kind of social idea that mothers want their children to have.
Sometimes mothers are convinced to put their child with other children in what are called "play groups" or "kindergarten" because mother wants her child to learn to share. Mother believes that this cannot be learned at home from her. Sharing is an admirable and worthwhile objective. But two and three-year-olds are not ready to share anything. Instead, they defend their belongings against any and all comers. The "play group" only stays civilized if each mother stands right next to her child and protects that child from all the other children in the group. "Sharing" occurs only when mother pries the beloved toy truck out of her child's grasp and hands it to another child, who then gets a death grip on the truck until his mother says that he has "shared" the truck for long enough and it is pried out of his grasp to be returned to its little, very anxious owner.
If the above scene takes place without a mother with each child, then the result is much worse. Without mother at his side, the child will simply fight to keep his toy or be overpowered by a bigger, more aggressive child. He either learns to fight or to flee.
Is this socialization?
Civilized behavior begins at home.
When little children are herded together like so many little lambs with only a few shepherds to protect them, we are foolish to expect "socialization" to be the result.
Little children do not need other little children to become socialized - they need mother and father. Civilized behavior is learned at home from mother and father. Children learn right from wrong from mother and father and grandmother and grandfather, or they do not learn it at all. The longer a small child spends with his mother each day, the more civilized he will be. The less time he spends with mother each day, the less civilized he will be.
All mothers know that.
Take This Challenge
Arrange for your child to spend more time with you every day and less time with other little children. Be consistent, fair, and honest in all your interactions with your child. In a few months you will have a more mature, kind, and helpful child, but, even better, you will be spending precious time with a wonderful companion who will love and support you for the rest of your life.
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